Reflections from the Fitting Room

As women we are as diverse and individual as we are the same. That is, it is universally true that no two people are exactly alike, yet we share so much in common.  This is true for our breasts – they are as different and individual as we are. As a bra fitter, I should know – I meet women of all shapes sizes and ages from young and perky to mature and beginning to defy gravity. There are breasts that are high set on the rib cage, full or small, firm or fleshy, close together or far apart, one side smaller, sometimes even altered breasts. I work in a bra store and I see it all. Yet I am still struck by the varied beauty of the women I fit – their stories, their feelings about themselves, their views on the world.

First there are the young girls, the tweens and teens who have an attitude of feigned indifference, yet who are secretly thrilled to be entering this wondrous world of womanhood. They roll their eyes and act like they don’t want to be measured, but their mothers insist. These are the mothers who see it as their job to guide their daughters through this rite of passage, it is important to get them properly fitted for a bra. I see this as their absolute love for their daughters, and the beginning of their acceptance of them as blossoming women, no longer girls. The girls peek at themselves furtively in the mirror. How bittersweet this moment is for those mothers.

Then there are the young, self-assured women. They easily drink in their reflections and feel satisfied and happy and glow with possibility. They have plenty of time to discover the world. I am glad for these women, but there are also the young women who have yet to realize that they are beautiful. Their bodies to them represent all that society has told them is wrong and they have absorbed this notion and feel confused and betrayed by their shape. No one can tell them they are beautiful, they will have to learn it for themselves when they no longer need others to tell them how to see their reflection. How fleeting is this time, how fragile our self esteem.

Sometimes I work with women of different ages who have become mothers – they have nursed or are nursing and they come in for a fitting because their bodies have changed. They are not distraught over this, but they wear this change as a badge of honor because they have nurtured their children. They accept this as part of the trade off for having these babies. Sometimes harried with a baby in a stroller, or kids to pick up from school, they are trying to balance it all and still find their own reflection when they look in the mirror. They want comfort and to look pretty, but they have no time to fuss over themselves. They are in the throes of life, their bodies do not belong to them.

Women come in who want to indulge themselves with something beautiful. Sometimes they are newly-divorced and are starting to date, sometimes they just want to please their significant ones or maybe just themselves. They look in the mirror and they see themselves as they were once, they can overlook their perceived flaws, they can work with what they have and assert themselves. They are still beautiful, sometimes they know it sometimes they don’t, but they accept what they see in the mirror, without judgment.

And yes there is the menopausal set who are also facing a changing body and need a ‘re-fitting.’ Some face the mirror with cheerful resignation, they are helpless to control what is happening to them, so they laugh. What else can they do? Others are fearful and sad, sometimes angry and frustrated with what is happening to them and turn away from the mirror.  I want them to say that they are still themselves, beautiful in every way, maybe even more so for their scars and stretch marks – still vibrant and lovely, full of sage advice and life experiences only a woman has the privilege to know.

Now and then a woman will come in who has been through some kind of breast augmentation, either through illness or necessity.  I see bravery and courage in these women. They unabashedly face the mirror, sometimes exhausted, sometimes re-bounding with recovered strength. I have no words for them. This is their own private journey, my participation is only to be there for them, to acknowledge what they have been through and find them what they need. Here their inner beauty shows its reslilience.

I see women who have weight issues, for whom the very act of coming into the fitting room is a major effort. I see women who have comfort issues, or are petite and have trouble finding the right fit. Different ends of the spectrum, yet their story is the same. 　Real beauty exists in these women as well, but again sometimes they know it and sometimes they don’t. The mirror holds a reflection to be interpreted by the beholder alone.

Of course, there are the women in their seventies, eighties and even nineties, who exude a kind of confident aloofness. For them it is all about comfort and pleasing only themselves. Sometimes they are wickedly funny, making bawdy remarks, sometimes quietly reserved. They are comfortable just being themselves, they have navigated the complicated journey of womanhood and they can still face the mirror and smile. I smile, too.

We travel together in this circle of womanhood and acceptance of ourselves and our bodies. We share the same fears and hopes and desires as we look into the fitting room mirror, in all our stages of life. I can find the bra to lift you and support you, or minimize you or make you bigger or smoother or more comfortable or sexy, but ultimately we must accept who we are, and we all need and deserve to love ourselves more.  Live Beautifully!